Adventures in motherhood

I think the lack of sleep has finally gotten to me.  I was in the doctor's office earlier this week (just to let you know how crazy I am, I thought all day that today was Monday) and saw a pregnant girl....and I felt a tiny kick of envy.  DO NOT misunderstand me, I don't want to be pregnant.  But now that I know Tyler, I realize that all the discomfort was so worth it.  I stared at the girl and thought to myself, you have no idea how your life is about to change.  I envy that moment when she will meet her little one because that was the best moment of my life.  I will replay it in my mind a million times and each time my heart will swell with the joy and pride of it.

Motherhood is an adventure to say the least.  It's an adventure viewed through spit up colored glasses and I love it.  Tyler might be screaming at the top of his lungs, while his flailing arms hit me in my sore nipple, pooing on my 4th change of clothes and still my heart overflows.  I wouldn't call myself a mushy person (neither would those who know and love me) so you can imagine my surprise when motherhood turned me into a giant mushball. 

In other news, my new goal is to figure out a way to shower and brush my teeth in the same day.  I will also NOT wear stretchy pants at least one day this week.  Maybe, if I'm feeling adventurous, I'll even take my hair out of its ponytail this week.  Gasp.  Today when given the opportunity and time to cut my toenails (ew, they are out of control long) or eat a cookie and watch tv.  The cookie won.  There's always tomorrow...what day is it?  I should probably buy some christmas gifts.

I could brag about how extremely advanced and handsome our son is, but a picture is worth a thousand words. :)  So here are a few pictures that should equal a novel.

Fun with Grandpa

His first bath was an epic fail.

She wasn't crying, I promise.  He's clearly smitten.

One month old with his bf, sock monkey.  Thanks Aunt Virg!

I swear, he is the cutest baby ALIVE.

They don't call it labor for nothing.

I didn't brush my teeth today.  I know what you're thinking, Jessica, the day isn't over.  You still have time to brush them.  But let's be honest, what's the point now? 

Whether I brush my teeth, manage a shower, change out of my pajamas, put on deodorant or any other things that I used to do on a regular basis, I can say without question - that I'm happier than I could imagine.  I spend my days feeding, changing, soothing, dancing with and admiring my sweet son.  No, it isn't easy but it is so worth it.  No, I haven't slept more than 3 hours at a time in over 3 weeks but my heart is full.  I love Tyler and I love being his mom.

Here is the story of how we met:
Chris and I checked into the hospital on Wednesday, 11/16 around 5:30pm.  I was given cytotek (sp?) to try and induce labor.  (Did I mention I was 9 days past due?)  They give it every 4 hours over night with hopes that it would ripen my cervix.  Sorry, let me make a blanket apology in advance for TMI.  Anyway, we moved down to labor and delivery at 6:30 am on Thursday, 11/17.  I had barely made any progress overnight so they started the pitocin.  At some point in the morning, I made it to 1 cm dilated.  Success!  Labor came fast and furious with the pitocin and by 11am or so I was begging for an epidural.  Unfortunately, I was still only 1 cm dilated, he hadn't engaged in my pelvis and my cervix still hadn't thinned all the way.  So, I wasn't a good candidate (so says my sadist dr, jk - I still like her) for an epidural.  I labored on with some IV drugs that helped take the edge off, but trust me when I say it just took the pain down from making me want to jump off the roof to making me want to cry.  I appreciated the relief, no matter how small.  Also, around this time, the nurse accidently broke my water during an exam.  That's when we learned that Tyler (because he's so advanced!) had gone ahead and pooped in utero.  This is dangerous to babies (but common in post term babies) because they will breathe in the poop and it'll get into their lungs.  That's when I was told that I was a ticking time bomb of sorts.  My doctor wouldn't let me labor very long with him breathing in the muck.  In addition, there were some heart rate concerns after the contractions.

Fast forward through throwing up during contractions, sobbing to Chris that I really cannot do this, and literally BEGGING for an epidural, to 2pm.  I have been given the epidural and am starting to feel human again.  The doctor has come to check me and it's the moment of truth, if I've progressed then I can continue with labor.  If I haven't, then it was time to throw in the towel. 

No progress, more poop in amniotic fluid, I'm finished laboring.  We're going in after this elusive friendly monster (we call him this bc of all the friendly monster noises he makes throughout the day).

2:51pm - he's here!  He's perfect, healthy, peeing on the nurse and screaming like a banshee.

2:51 pm on Thursday, 11/17/11 is the day my life changed forever.  I will never be the same person that I was before.  It's the day a huge piece of my heart left my body and entered my son's.  I will spend the rest of my life protecting this sweet boy.

Yes, there is a small part of me that wishes things hadn't ended up in a surgery room where I couldn't see my son born.  But it's so small in comparison to the excitement and joy of having him here.  No regrets, I did the best I could.

And now, some pictures of the friendly monster. :)

How to have a perfect baby

Okay, that title is misleading because I have no idea how we managed to have a perfect baby.  :)  I do know without a doubt that he is, in fact, total perfection.  It is truly a miracle.  The amount of love I have for this tiny little bundle could wrap the moon and back at least a million times.

Tyler Orsino Jordan
11/17/11
2:51pm
7lbs 15 oz
20 1/4 in

I promise to write more later, but now I must have some pumpkin pie.  :)

The baby's coming! Someday.

Well friends, despite our best efforts, I am still pregnant. I love the lesson this little sugarplum is teaching us about patience and priorities. Thanks for the lesson son, but you're still undoubtedly grounded.

The pain of being this pregnant is substantial. The contractions are so uncomfortable but inconsistent so I know there isn't much progress. Which is fine because he's being forced out. We're checking into the hospital tomorrow afternoon with the anticipation that he'll be born on Thursday sometime. I'm all about taking the natural path but discomfort now outweighs everything but his health. Which is perfect said the doctor yesterday.

In the meantime, I'm still enjoying the time off at home. Today I cooked up 2 kinds of soup and a lasagna for when we get home. I've washed every surface, cleaned every dish and read to my little life changer each day. Chris and I have watched movies, gone to nice restaurants, and stayed out late to our hearts content. I'm ready. My body is ready. Our house is ready. Family and friends are ready. Let's do this.

7 more days...sigh.

I promise I am not holding out on you.  There is no need to text/call/email or otherwise ask me if I've had this baby, in fact it just kind of irritates me if we're being honest.  I will tell you, I promise.  You won't be the first to know, but you'll know.  :)

Being past due feels a little like not being invited to your own birthday party.  Every day it leaves me feeling like "hey, what about me?!"  I've started getting sympathetic looks from friends and strangers.  It's like everyone knows.  I guess they might know because I'm SO gigantic.  In reality, the doctor says the baby doesn't feel huge, but in that same reality I FEEL HUGE.  I have to be strategic about how to put on pants each morning.  I'm down to 5 shirts and 3 pairs of pants.  I can't button any of my jackets, which is okay since I'm so hot all the time the cold usually feels like a gift from above.

I have delusional dreams of going into labor naturally.  But it's easier for me to cope if I just believe he isn't coming until his induction day on the 17th.  I guess technically the induction starts on the 16th, but he won't likely come until the 17th.  Either way, this is only one week away.  So now I know without question that within a week, I will finally meet our son.  I couldn't be more excited and ready.

In the meantime, I am LOVING not being at work.  I thought I'd regret burning a week and half of leave before he came, but that isn't the case.  I don't regret it at ALL.  I've been visiting friends, cleaning every surface of our house, taking walks and otherwise totally enjoying myself before my whole world revolves around parenting.  As a result, I feel relaxed (as much as can be expected when you can only sit leaning to one side), happy, rested and thankful.

Love to you all!

Baby? No, gallstone.

The joys of pregnancy continue with a surprise painful visit from a gallstone (which is apparently a regular occurence during pregnancy).  I knew I wasn't in labor, but the pain was so bad I went in to the doctor and was promptly sent down to labor & delivery for monitoring.  I called Chris who of course was 40 miles away, but managed through some seriously illegal driving to arrive in about 25 minutes.  I'm not sure whether to be impressed or terrified.  I chose thankful.

Anyway, a few hours being monitored the gallstone passed and I was sent home.  I was hoping to convince the doctor that having the baby asap would help...but in all honesty the stone (or whatever it was) started to pass by the time she came around to see me. 

And so the wait continues...I like to try and guess when he'll come.  My new guess is that he'll come on my birthday just to spite me.  Chris is holding out for 11/11/11.

While hooked up to the monitor, we got to listen to his perfectly healthy beating heart for the entire time.  What a joy!  The doctor said he looked totally perfect and I wholeheartedly agree.

4 more days?  or maybe 13.  Soon enough.

J

Yes, it looks like I swallowed a beach ball....plus swollen man hands. 

Oh!  And I forgot to mention that (JOY) today is my last day of work until February!!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!!  Now the fear of my water breaking during a meeting will finally subside.

Progress!!

This sweet, perfect baby has FINALLY started to look like he's interested in coming out.  At least he's now in the right position, with his head nicely engaged!  I know internally that this does NOT mean that he's coming today or even tomorrow, but it is just such a relief to know that he is in fact coming eventually.  We also got our induction (if it comes to that) tentatively set for the 17th.  The idea of waiting that long to meet him (and to carry him for an extra 9 days) is something that I'm ignoring entirely.  Fingers crossed that he decides to join us sooner than that.  Please, please.

In other news, there is no other news.  Thoughts of this baby coming, preparing for his imminent arrival and all that jazz has completely filled my life.  Oh and terible sports upsets.  I still can't bring myself to read the newspaper about the Rangers.  It will break my heart to see/hear/read about their disappointment.  Yes, I walked away from the TV so I didn't have to see their disappointed faces.  I can't bear it.

I've stopped reading the size/weight updates that I get, because this baby is now fully grown and just getting bigger.  The idea that something of that size is about to exit somewhere of that size is something I'll think about later.

Love to you all and thank god for progress!

Darn giant headed stubborn baby!!

GET OUT!!

Jk, I don't feel that strongly yet.  YET.  We went to the dr this morning and were told (again) that the baby is not making any move to leave the womb.  I hope this doesn't translate to our 29 year old son living in the basement of our house.  Yes, I'm optimistically hoping we'll have moved farther north by then, so we'd actually have a basement.

Anyway, I blame Chris.  I'll start with saying that I think he is incredibly attractive and has really only gotten more hot with age.  I love him and his giant head.  I'm sure the genetics that made his head above average size has translated to our bobble headed baby.

All isn't lost, there are still a few weeks for him to make his move down but the clock is ticking.  At any rate, it's not likely to happen anytime soon.  After a long bout of contractions on Monday, I have barely felt any since.  I think every parent interprets the pregnancy as a sign of how their baby will be, so I'm interpreting his reluctance to engage and get out as a sign of how laid back he'll be.  Again, I'm optimistic it doesn't mean that he'll be co-dependent and afraid to leave the nest.  :)

After our appt this morning, we went up to the nursery to see all the babies.  There was one baby that had the perfect comb over style, almost entirely bald on top with an awesome ring of hair along the sides of his head.  Seriously, the cutest/funniest thing I've seen in so long.  Now, I'm secretly hoping our baby has a comb over which should accentuate his bobble head quite nicely if I say so myself.

I have no idea why there appears to be a soccer team with this name, but it made me laugh during my google search for a comb over giant headed baby.  Happy Friday!

Disclaimer:  The doctor has NOT indicated any sign that our sweet baby has a ginormous sized noggin, this is only my personal assumption.

Full term, and fully ready.

21 days left until the day you're supposed to come out, but I know you won't.  It's funny that we count down from this day and babies are rarely born on it.  Oh well, I don't really care.  Counting down gives me a boost to keep going.  Growing a baby is truly hard work.  I'm not sure I've ever done anything every day for 9 months, but I have been growing this baby on a daily basis for a number of months.  I'm tired.  I'm impatient.  I'm anxious.  I'm ready.  Ready, ready, ready. 

Yesterday, I had contractions all day and I secretly jumped with glee thinking that maybe this boy will make an early appearance.  Bah.  After some rest and water, the contractions stopped and he seemed to hunker down for another day.  The doctor says his head is still high, but I'm hopeful that the contractions might have worked him a bit lower.  Fingers crossed.  It wouldn't be the end of the world to have a c-section, but it isn't my first choice.

I feel like celebrating today (although I'd feel more like celebrating if I hadn't been up from 3:30 am - 5:30 am).  I was never at any risk to not carry this baby to full term, but it feels like an accomplishment nonetheless.  Happy full term day baby!  I'm so glad that you've stuck it out to full term...now feel free to come out whenever you're ready. 

Oh and because I'm counting - I have 13 days of work left.  Thank you Lord.

Stuck between a rock and an uncomfortable place

I'm more than a little tired of being told that my body knows, when the baby's ready, blah blah blah.  It's so easy to spout these things when you aren't carrying a giant sack of potatoes on the front of your body.  I KNOW that it's better for him to stay in there for as long as he wants.  I KNOW THIS.  But that does not stop me from googling "how to get the baby to come" and "natural ways to induce labor" 5 times a day at work.  The truth is, I want this baby out - now.  Possibly that makes me a bad mother already...I guess the only redeeming quality I have is that I haven't actuall followed through with any of the steps to get him out.  Why am I constantly learning a lesson in patience?!  I feel like I'm fairly patient when compared to the average person.  I don't seethe during traffic...usually.  I don't snap at people who click their pen non-stop, but I guess that's mostly because glaring at them is just as effective.  Maybe I deserve this lesson in patience after all.

The problem is, I know it's better for this baby to come down so he can exit naturally.  I feel anxious that this needs to happen soon in order to avoid a c-section.  But the truth is, so says my very experienced aunt who happens to be a labor & delivery nurse & a lamaze teacher, that it'll likely happen in the next few weeks on its own.  My new mantra is "everyone's _________ is different."  Insert:  labor, body, baby, last few weeks, etc. 

The bottom line is:  this baby will come out one way or another.  Likely sometime between now and the next 33 days (I added a week bc first time babies are notoriously late).  After all, even though I'm anxiously awaiting this sweet one's arrival, I could do with a few more nights sleep, dinners out, lazy Sundays on the couch.

Let's make a deal baby.  I won't rush you out, if you'll agree to not come on my birthday.  :)

Because I know you want it...

Stubborn baby.

I was surprised to hear the doctor today tell me that the baby is still really high.  I know that birth is imminent, but the little guy still has weeks to make the move into my bony pelvis....right?  She started already preparing me, that if he doesn't drop there is a high likelihood I won't be able to birth naturally.  Now I know some of you pro natural childbirth people are now freaking out that my doctor is jumping to a c-section, but that's not the case.  She is putting the thought in my head very early on that this labor might not go the way I envisioned it, which is something that I, quite frankly, love about her.  It would be devastating to not talk about the possibility of a c-section and then end up with one.  At any rate, I have 4 weeks to coax the guy down and out.  Everything else checked out to be as normal as it's been the entire pregnancy, no concerns whatsoever.  She's guessing (she lectured me about how often they are wrong about guessing) he's about 6 lbs, which she determined by squeezing various bits of my stomach together.  He did not enjoy the squeeze and it has been susequently causing contractions on and off today as a result.  Don't worry, they're the fake contractions.  I think he's pretty comfortable in there, so I don't think he'll make an early appearance.

My sweet friends at work threw us a shower last friday.  I wish I had the foresight to bring a camera, but I didn't.  It was fun and we really appreciate the generosity & kindness that we've received from all our friends & family.  I can't say enough, this is one lucky baby.  But it's nothing compared to how lucky I feel.

I finished washing all his clothes, sheets, blankets, socks, etc.  I even sterilized all the bottles & pacis.  Is this nesting?  I have no clue, I just think it's good preparation.  Chris thinks it's insanity.  I think he doesn't fully understand that the kid is fully baked in one week.  One week.  Well, one week until he's full term.  4 weeks until my due date.

I also finished up his room, which I posted on facebook - so enjoy the pictures there.  It turned out to be everything I wanted and more.  It's bright, colorful and comfortable.  I love it.  The dogs love it.  I hope he'll love it.

Oh, and I got my 2nd stranger belly rub.  This is every bit as awkward as it sounds.

What in the world is going on?!

I decided to put the rest of the shenanigans happening in a post all to itself.  After all, no nasty possum should share space with the description of our fun anniversary weekend.

We came home from our weekend to find a possum had taken residence in our house.  Not in the walls of our house, behind our living room furniture.  My theory on how it arrived there - it did what possums do and played dead.  Let me start at the beginning, our dogs have a tendency to hunt animals that make the unfortunate decision to come into our backyard.  They come in and out via dog door anytime they want, so the results of the hunting expeditions usually end up in the house.  So, I think they caught the poor fella, he played dead (an action that saved his life...maybe) and he came to life in the house to scurry behind the furniture where the dogs couldn't get him.  To make a long story short, with help from our friend Paul, we shooed the poor guy out the front door.  He eventually hobbled down the driveway and into our neighbors backyard.  For comfort, I'm pretending that he will live a full life - even with whatever injuries he sustained while being hunted.

I didn't get a picture of Petey Possum, but trust me when I say possums are ugly creatures.  This is especially true when you're viewing them from inside your own living room.

Next, our poor buddy Finley got stung by something that caused an allergic reaction.  By the time I caught it, his face was the size of a pumpkin.  Here's a picture comparison of what our boy looks like pre sting and post sting.

Poor guy, he had to get 2 shots before the swelling started to subside.  It was a sad, sad day for him but he's feeling much better now!!

On to the baby - 35 weeks along with 35 days to go!!

Our baby is currently over 5 lbs and all the vital bits are developed.  He'll spend the next 5 weeks focused on gaining weight until he shows his beautiful face to the world.  I cannot wait.  This pregnancy has gotten very uncomfortable in the past 48 hours.  I think the baby shifted, which might be unrelated but I've also been having a lot of contractions, back pain and pelvic pain.  I'm hoping this isn't a sign he's coming early, but on the other hand 5 weeks of this will be a serious beating.  I don't have a belly picture, but here's one my friend took when we hunted down the mobile sno cone stand.

Yes, I'm very pregnant.  I'm also very excited to be at the sno cone stand.

Anniversary Weekend!

Chris and I decided early on in marriage that we'd alternate planning our anniversary festivities each year.  I went first, so it was my turn again (we're celebrating 3 years for those who flunked 1st grade math).  It was difficult to plan since I'm really not supposed to leave the Dallas area and flying was definitely out.  I eventually decided that we'd stay the weekend at the Belmont, our favorite and where we stayed after our wedding.  During the weekend, we had a ton of fun activities that I planned!

But first, before we even left the house I got the best surprise ever!  Chris surprised me with an anniversary present (we don't exchange gifts normally) and it's a fantastic new camera.  I mentioned literally ONE time that I wish we could get a new camera before the baby comes and he remembered.  I am beyond words excited about the new camera and all the memorable pictures it will capture of our son.  A million thank yous to the best husband ever.

First, we went to the fair an annual tradition.  We do it as part of the anniversary weekend because we went there will all our favorite people in the wedding the day before we got married.  I love the fair.  I love corn dogs, funnel cake, the people, everything.  We had to cut it a bit short because all the walking induced some seriously painful contractions.  But we had time to eat some corn dogs and try the fried bubble gum, see picture below!  It's really a fried marshmallow and I'd give it a 5 out of 10.

Next, we decided spur of the moment to see Moneyball at the Angelika.  It was pretty good, almost made me like the Oakland A's.  Almost.

Next, we checked in at the Belmont where we had a beautiful terrace suite with fantastic views of downtown.  If you haven't visited the Belmont, I highly recommend it.  Not only does it have fantastic rooms and views, but it has a delicious restaurant and bar.  Both of which have won awards locally in Dallas.  The restaurant is called Smoke and the bar, is Bar Belmont.

I forgot to take pictures of our room, but here's one of the view!

We ordered delicious Smoke room service and stayed in on Friday night.  Such a fun start!

Saturday morning we woke up and ate Smoke again for breakfast.  It was really good!  We walked around Bishop Arts for awhile until our massage appointment at 1pm.  We got a couples massage, which was fantastic even though I had to get it on my side. 

We had originally planned on going to Smoke for dinner, but that seemed like overkill so we went to Tillman's Roadhouse instead.  It is, in my opinion, the best moderately expensive food in Dallas.  Yum.  We finished up the night with treats from Cretia's, who bakes my favorite cake in the world.

Sunday we woke up, checked out and headed the Cowboys game.  I cannot believe I didn't take a picture.  :(  We had really good seats so our view of the Cowboys meltdown was spectacular.  I'm sorry Chris for getting us tickets to the worst lost in Cowboys history.  It was fun regardless!

I love canteloupe.

So of course that's the size of our baby this week, which means I'm on a no-canteloupe diet until next Tuesday.  Suck.

Our baby is now 34 weeks developed, leaving 6 weeks for it to pack on some weight and get ready to join this world.  I wonder when it will feel real?  Probably when the little bugger emerges from the womb and we realize we're stuck together for life.  I'm sure there will be crying from both parties as this reality sinks in.

I'd like to take this moment and openly admit that I probably should have (I know there is still time) the baby books.  Instead, I'm using one as a doorstop and the rest have either been returned to their owners who lovingly let me borrow them thinking I'd read them or collecting dust somewhere in our house.  Of course I want to be a good parent!  Of course I want my baby to be happy!  Of course I want him to sleep through the night, be a genius, have perfect pitch, read at age 2, identify portugal on a map at age 3, and roll his R's (this is so much harder than it sounds).  But I just want to do it our way.  :)  I know that the minute I crack a book and begin to learn the "right" way or several "right" ways, I'll lose all self confidence that I can raise this baby into a stable man.  I'll be bogged down with rigidity and rules, which just doesn't work with my personality.

I wonder if after a sleepless night of crying, those books will become a life saver?  Maybe.

I have the same approach to labor & delivery.  Clearly, it's going to happen.  I'm very aware that this baby will exit my body one way or another, but I'm not sure how to develop a plan for it.  How in the world can I plan for something when I have NO idea what it will be like.  I'm playing it by ear.  If I need drugs, I'll ask for them.  If I want to soak in a tub, I'll do it.  If I want to listen to my ipod, I'll be sure that it's fully charged.  My plan is to be open to what my body is telling me.  If that means that I barely make it to 1/2 centimeter before I beg for medical invervention, then I won't be disappointed in that.  If my body tells me that this can't happen, I will clearly pack up my things, politely thank the medical team for their help, and get in my car and head home.

The bottom line is, I trust my doctor.  I believe if she tells me I need something, it's because I really need it.  I also trust Chris and know that he'll have read a ton more than me about labor and delivery, so I can divert decisions to him.

The plan:  be open
The goal:  baby out & healthy
The reward:  TCBY on the way home (oh and a baby)

I'm back, or I'm slowly on my way back.

Never underestimate the power of food.  I can't say that it was just the food that finally ended the 2 day crying spree, but the combination of Chris and mushroom risotto did the trick.  Sometime around Tuesday at 7pm, the tears dried up and I started to feel human again.  Thanks to everyone who called, messaged or just thought about me during what was a minor emotional breakdown.  And thanks to Chris, whom I'm sure was one more cry fest away from panic.  I love you more than words.

It's probably time I learned a lesson in thankfulness.  If you've read even 2 days worth of this blog, then you know I'm at my best when I can put things in a list.  So, here we go again:
I am thankful:

• that the guy at work hasn't clipped his toenails at his desk this week
• for my dad, who I know loves me to eternity and back - forever
• for Chris:  marrying you was the best decision I've ever made
• for that mushroom risotto that might just have saved my life
• for this sweet baby, my son, that continues to thrive and whom I love so passionately it hurts in the best possible way
• for material things, like our comfortable house, good jobs, underwear that still fits, and candy corn
• that the creepy sacker at Kroger didn't molest my stomach last time I saw him
• for my family:  distance is something I'll have to tolerate, but it is my mission to ensure that this boy is raised knowing how lucky he is to have you.  We're lucky that love knows no distance.
• for my friends:  new and old, you are the best there ever was

33 weeks and a little reality

I find people that are always happy a little annoying.  I appreciate a positive outlook just as much as the next sarcastic girl, but sometimes a girl's just gotta cry.  Since I've decided to embrace putting my personal life on the world wide web, I might as well include the good, bad and the ugly.  And yesterday, quite frankly was as ugly as it's ever been.

I literally cried myself to sleep (subsequently, I've only cried twice today) last night.  I don't even have a valid reason to cry, which only made me cry harder.  I cried because I felt guilty that I have so much to be thankful for, yet I feel so sad.  I cried because my baby won't get to grow up around my family.  I cried because my mom hasn't spoken to me in months.  I cried for my favorite pajama pants that are now too small.  I cried about everything and everyone.  I cried so openly and for so long that it even scared me.

This is real life after all and even though I am thankful for this baby, my family, my husband, my dogs, stability and much more - it can still be hard and little lonely at times.

I don't know the answer to getting out of this little funk, I'm hoping to ride it out with time and giant bag of candy corn.  Fingers crossed that I've found the perfect combination for a little late in pregnancy rally.

Our baby, the jicama?

Why would anyone compare our sweet baby to this horrible potato, onion fruit thing?  The fruit and vegetable comparisons were funny at first, but this one just kind of irritates me.  8 weeks and 8 random fruit to go.

I feel like each week that I celebrate this baby's growth it becomes more and more like my 16th birthday. I wait for nearly a year anticipating this day, knowing that it will forever change my life.  Time drags on, my friends have their big days and then FINALLY my day has come.  Or at least it will eventually.  I know, just like when I woke up on that fantastic day and drove my first solo route to school - it would never be the same.  I hope there are signs cheering me on the entire route, just like when I was 16 and my mom painstakingly posted words of encouragement all along that route to school.  I can't wait.  56 days to go!

Chris and I had our first lamaze class, which was really, really fun.  Here are the highlights in no particular order:
1.  The gigantic mexican guy next to us falling asleep (and snoring) during the birth video.  How someone can sleep through that carnage is beyond me.
2.  The guy on our other side asking the teacher if there will be a full or queen bed in the recovery room...for him.
3.  Our teachers nipples making an appearance throughout the day, sometimes both - sometimes just one.  I guess it was a little cold in there.
4.  Chris having to rub me with all kind of fantastic things, incuding but not limited to a paint brush roller.  He did at some point ask when we would reverse it and the pregnant women would rub their husbands, to which I replied, like any woman would "when you push a watermelon out of your vagina."
5.  Chris asking me on the way out "So you're going to get an epidural right?  That seems like the way to go."

Now, some pictures:

 My view from the toilet.  I can't imagine why she looks so miserable?

 A very special gift....

 from 3 very special dogs.  I'm still trying to figure out which one typed the order in online.

I pretend to hate football Sunday, but really it's kind of awesome.

Single digits...less than 9 weeks to go.

I know that it should not come as a surprise that this baby's arrival is imminent, but it is.  Sometimes, when I wake out of a deep sleep it hits me that I'm pregnant, now VERY pregnant and I laugh.  Then I laugh again when I try to get out of bed to pee...for the 3rd time.  I sort of have to rock myself off of the mattress onto my feet.  I am glad there are no mirrors in the bedroom because I am pretty positive the whole ordeal is very unattractive.

Here are some things I miss:
1.  Seeing my feet
2.  Being able to put my underwear on without falling over
3.  Chai lattes
4.  99% of my wardrobe
5.  Sitting indian style in my desk chair (of course this could be less about the baby and more about the growing size of my thighs)
6.  Going more than 14 days without being weighed in and judged like the cows at the county fair

Here are some things I love:
1.  All the sympathy I get for carrying this baby in such a hot summer, it doesn't make me any less sweaty but it feels nice to be recognized
2.  Feeling the baby move or hiccup, this will never get old or less amazing
3.  His room
4.  Getting gifts  :)  I'm sure this makes me sound selfish, but I do love it - I don't care what you think.
5.  Starting to plan for 3 months off work - hooray!!
6.  Folding all his little clothes and being amazed that anything that small has ever existed
7.  That I have finally been able to sit outside without danger of heat stroke
8.  High school football (ok it isn't baby related, but I do love it

Something I do not love:
1.  The guy at the office that clips his finger nails MAYBE even his toes - AT HIS DESK.

Funny questions/conversations/statements I've had/heard lately:
"Rikki Lake had some seriously dark nipples during pregnancy." - wha?!
"Jewish people wouldn't drive a Mercedes, it's like telling Hitler you love him" - loose translation
"We'll need to leave Lamaze class early in order to get to the UNT game.  I doubt we'll miss anything" - I love my husband
"Everyone loves a poop story" - not true

Cheers to 62 more days of pregnancy!

30 weeks!

Our little cabbage is about 16 inches long and almost 3 lbs.  He (it is so nice to not have to type it or he/she) is very active these days, which I enjoy.  He has also starting getting, or I've just started being able to feel it, the hiccups.  Hiccups in utero feel like a tiny rhythmic but very light kick.  When I first felt them (appx 5:30 am) I woke up Chris so he could feel too.  And bless his sweet, sweet soul, he didn't even blink a second of anger for being woken up before dawn.  I love him.

I didn't think I'd ever say this, but maybe I'll miss being pregnant when it's over?  There is something so remarkable about carrying, nurturing, and feeling your baby grow within. 

On the other hand, there are a number of areas of my body I can no longer see - I won't miss that.  I probably won't miss heartburn waking me up in the middle of the night.  I definitely won't miss my doctor's lecture about how a cinnamon roll for breakfast has NO NUTRITIONAL VALUE and is just like eating dessert for breakfast.  Maybe so doc, but 8 months ago dessert for breakfast was a completely acceptable thing.  I, for sure, won't miss sleeping on my side, although I have to say this is immensely improved with the purchase of a new mattress a few days ago.  It is doubtful I'll miss the feeling of my stomach touching my thighs, a feeling that just doesn't seem quite right.  I won't miss the hormone shifts that make me a little like jekyll and hyde.  I won't miss maternity clothes, that used to be so liberating with that stretchy panel, but now just feel ugly, gigantic and out of fashion.

Anyway, I digress...

We had our shower this past weekend, which was really fun.  There is nothing like having all of your favorite people in one place.  It means a lot when people go out of their way to show up for the important times of your life.  The older I get, the more I value just that - showing up.  No one is better at showing up then my family in NY, particularly my aunt Vic.  She has made the drive from NY to TX for every important time in my life and the gesture does not go unnoticed.  I am overcome with thankfulness for the show of support and feel so lucky to have people like her in my life.  They may not be close in proximity, but they are close in all the ways that matter.

A special thank you to Catherine, Sarah, Amanda & Kelli for setting everything up and making such a great environment for fun!  Thank you ladies for a fantastic night, thank you thank you thank you.

Our son!

I have a few stories to tell today, one of which even Chris has never heard.

First, the short version of finding out our baby's sex.
We went into the sonogram having decided that we'll ask the sonographer to write it down for us IN CASE we decided we wanted to know.  And so she did.  Then we walked out of the sonographer's office into the hospital lobby, sat down and opened the dang envelope.  :)  We made it approximately 3 minutes and 10 feet holding that fateful envelope before we opened it.  I apologize now for the fib of "we aren't finding out."  It seemed easier than, we know but aren't telling.  At any rate, the next decision we made was that we'd share our news at our shower.  It was really fun and I highly recommend doing things this way.  First, it was sweet and special for us to find out together on our own terms (that lobby has never meant more to me).  Second, telling people in person when you are way farther along is fun.  Third, if you tell people AT your shower then you've avoided getting 15 sailor suits for your litle fella (none of which he'll ever wear).

My second story is one that might be moderately embarassing to reveal, but what the heck.
Chris and I decided to stop preventing pregnancy in January.  So of course on January 2nd, I starting obsessively reading about pregnancy, conception, etc.  While I was reading about that, I heard about a conception psychic.  And then I paid $7 to get one.  :)  On my honor, this is the email I received from her:

Your reading reveals that your BFP news comes the end of February/beginning of March from a cycle that begins in February. The baby shows as a boy and his EDD/birth date is referenced the month of November 2011 - specific reference to the 7th and 16th.

The best onesie ever:

Third Trimester. :)

I feel like I should celebrate!  I know it sounds completely ridiculous, since you don't typically celebrate at this stage of the pregnancy.  But that doesn't stop me from FEELING like I should celebrate.  Even the baby is currently dancing a jig in there.  Hello baby, I'm excited too. 

This week our baby is somewhere between 15 inches and 16 inches long and around 2 1/2 lbs.  It's vegetable comparison:

The chinese cabbage.  

I think it's important to understand that they're now just comparing the baby's weight to vegetables and not the size.  Although, for all I know a chinese cabbage could be 15-16 inches long.  I have never actually seen one. 

At 28 weeks, our baby is now blinking (with it's newly developed eye lashes!), swallowing, breathing (this might seem strange, but it's just starting to breath amniotic fluid as practice for breathing outside the womb), and seeing light.  It will spend the next 12 weeks putting on weight, so it comes out with lovable and squeezable cheeks.  I love you I love you I love you.

On another note, I'm currently stuck in a situation where I don't really know what to do.  Someone close to me feels that I've done something to wrong them.  Simultaneously, I feel completely hurt by what they did/said.  The result is that we haven't talked in over a month.  This weighs heavy on my heart because it's happening during a time when I want that person around and I need their support.  The problem is, I'm always the one making it right or letting hurtful things go or defending the mean things they do and quite frankly, I'm tired of it.  But now I'm stuck somewhere between rage and guilt with a healthy dose of sadness.  What do I do now?  I have tried to put it right twice, but the other half of this equation hasn't returned my calls either time.  Sigh. 

Changing tunes, my office is across from a hotel here in downtown.  I overlook one side of the hotel where the same hotel room window is open every day I sit here.  We're talking 4 years.  I feel the need to investigate, but instead I just stare at it each day wondering what in the world is going on in there.  Dear window, why are you always open when all your neighbors are closed?  I waste a lot of time wondering about things that don't really matter.  :)  I won't even get into the fact that EVERY time I see someone come out on the roof of the building directly across from me, I expect them to jump off of it.  Morbid.

On a happy note, Chris is on a two week break from class so I finally get to spend some time with him each night.  I wonder if there will ever be a time when I don't miss him when he's gone? 

Go Mean Green!

Chris is subtly trying to coax our unborn child to already commit to attending UNT, like his/her parents.  The first way was to put the NT fight song into our baby's music mix.  The second way is this:

I nearly cried when I pictured our baby in this get up, it seems so big for 3-6 months.  I LOVE it.  And I love you too Chris, but our baby can go wherever he/she wants to college.

2 posts in one day! I seriously have nothing to do.

I have no clue how he gets his body in that chair.

Bad picture, super cute dogs.

I finished sewing a cover to the ottoman, thanks Ashley for the gift!

27 weeks along and 91 days to go!

Is this my third trimester?  I have no clue.  I think it officially starts next week, but everything I read says something different.  It doesn't make sense to me that the 3rd trimester would start at 28 weeks, when there are only 12 weeks left.  If pregnancy was really divided into 3, then it should have started at 26 and 5 days.
40 weeks = 280 days / 3 = 93.3333 / 7 = 13.3 weeks in each trimester
Am I the only one that completed this math?  Oh well, so I'll wait to celebrate entering the 3rd trimester next week.

This week the baby is the WEIGHT of a head of cauliflower.  I feel the need to specify that this is a weight representation only, bc it disturbs me to picture my baby in the shape of a cauliflower.  I love this baby, all 2 lbs and 14 1/2 inches of it.  It amazes me that it is already so big.  I read recently that once I hit 26 weeks, there is a very good chance this baby would survive if it decided to join us early.  Full term is 37 weeks, so that's the goal of course, but I'm relieved to learn that the baby could survive in the worst case scenario of a premature birth.

I'll go back to the doctor next week for a glucose test and some other random tests.  Fingers crossed for good results.  Then, it's back to the doctor every 2 weeks!  Whew, that's a lot of work.

Here are some things I'm really looking forward to in the next few weeks:
1.  Celebrating this baby with my closest friends & family!  It's a bonus that there will be cake there.
2.  Curiousity fuels this one - seeing how much bigger my stomach is going to get
3.  Being able to identify the body parts that keep nudging me from the inside
4.  Cooler weather, please god - I'm roasting, make it stop.
5.  Lamaze class - mostly bc I want to see Chris awkwardly sit on the floor and look uncomfortable around so much vagina talk.
6.  My family visiting from NY!!
7.  Our friends visiting from California!!
8.  Finally having something to do at work, other than internet shop, read "damn you autocorrect" and listen to audiobooks.
9.  Getting closer to meeting this sweet baby, whom I love so much already it's baffling.

Wow, I suck at waiting - so I'll post a picture of another baby room project that's nearly finished.

It's our family tree.  Or it will be eventually, when I hunt down a bunch more frames and put in pictures of our family in them!  You can see my Gram and Gramps hanging there already.  I'm excited to have something that displays all the love and support this baby will grow up having.  Yes, I painted it.  But before you get impresed, painting a tree (especially one with no leaves) is easier than it looks.  Trust me, I'm no da Vinci.

Annoying

I'm not sure if it's the pregnancy, the heat, my normal attitude, or a combination of all of these but lately I've lived at a level 7 annoyed.  Here's a summary of the things that have irritated me recently:
1.  When I'm checking out at a store, if your cart is pushed so close it's touching my leg - YOU ARE TOO CLOSE!  Back off me.  In addition, if you try to creep up to the counter and stand beside me be ready to see my death stare.  That counter is mine you greedy little bugger until I pack up my purse and walk away!!
2.  Why do doctor's NEVER apologize for making you wait?  Okay, fine she did actually apologize this time...but that somehow didn't help me calm down.
3.  Don't call me Ms. Jessica, I'm not a kindergarten teacher and we're not in class.
4.  Yes, it's hot as hell here.  Yes, my body is literally baking a baby.  NO, I'm not enjoying the warm weather.  Yes, I want you to turn up the air conditioning.
5.  SKIP a stall people, skip a freaking stall.  If there is more than one and I'm in the first one, skip a freaking stall.
6.  Unless somehow that phone makes you listen better, or cool me off, put it away - I'm talking to you!!

99 days to go!!

We've hit double digits, crazy!

This week I think I'll work on complaining less.  :)  We'll see how it goes.  I'll try to ignore that I've been sweating since May, my back feels like someone stabbed me and my feet look like those of someone double my poundage.  I'll ignore all of that and focus on something else...anything else.  No one likes a whiner.

Today, Chris and I go to the doctor.  I'm always excited to hear this baby's heartbeat, sometimes I wish she'd leave it there a little longer so I can have a nice long listen.  I wonder if that will ever get old?  And, believe it or not I only have one more monthly appt then I start going every 2 weeks!!  I can't believe it, yes yes it's a month away but still it seems like we just found out the little wiggler had joined our family.

I (finally) broke out the sewing machine and got some stuff done for the room.  I finished the bed skirt and the curtains.  Which I'm pretty proud of, I managed to save a ton of fabric by sewing the crib skirt with velcro so it doesn't run under the mattress but instead hangs from the crib itself.  Yes, I'm a genius.  I also finished the dresser (ok you convinced me, I'll include a picture below) which turned out so so cute.  I spray painted a set of number cabinet pulls and switched them out for the ones the dresser came with.  It'll double as a changing table.  One quick adventure in sewing (I'm pretty sure my mom taught me this when I was 10, but that was a LONG time ago!).  It's better to wash and dry the fabric BEFORE you actually sew it.  I had finished the curtains and decided to wash them so they'd look brand new (I'm re-using them from the room) and when they came out of the dryer they were, of course, shrunken.  A lot.  They were about 10 inches too short.  Awesome.  Well, it was awesome because I added a panel of material I already had to turn them into super fabulous curtains.  Now, I super love them.

Anyway, until next time - Happy Monday!

Motivation

Today, my work tried to motivate me by sticking a sign in the bathroom stall.  Instead, the sign had the opposite effect.  I fought the urge to rip it off and throw it down.  Seriously, are no things sacred?  I don't need to be reminded to thank a team mate while taking a pee.  It seems to me that there should be a general rule about motivational signs when your pants are down around your ankles.  I'm just sayin...

But speaking of motivation, I could use some.  The combination of this baby sucking the life out of me and the 3 weeks (and counting) of 100 degree weather has zapped me of all motivation to do...well anything.  All I can think of is going home to my comfortable 73 degrees and changing into my pajamas.  I know that I NEED to stop fighting the urge to nest and just do it already, maybe then I'll stop being chased by cleaning supplies in my dreasm.  I know that I SHOULD really attempt to set up my sewing machine so I can work on the projects I have, after all time is ticking.  I HAVE to take the dogs for a walk, but I'm honestly afraid that one or all of us will drop dead from heat stroke.  I can't muster the motivation to do anything.  I haven't even finished the Tina Fey book I started a few weeks ago which is hilarious.  All of these things have left me feeling a little underwhelmed and unprepared for this baby. 

That is until I read that sign in the bathroom stall...

Oh fine, here's a belly shot to get you through the week (or an example of why horizontal stripes are a mistake, um all the time):

The baby is the size of an eggplant and my uterus apparently the size of a soccer ball.  My double chin on the other hand, is the size of...well my first chin times 2.

It's starting to feel real...

I'm not sure why my expanding stomach, seeing & feeling the baby kick, seeing pictures of it on a sonogram and getting an invite to our own shower didn't make it seem real...

But now that we've cleaned out the bedroom, painted every surface and moved the furniture in - it is starting to feel real.  There will be a baby (OUR baby) living in this room in just a few months, or approximately 106 days.  CRAZY!

I'd rather show you pictures when it's done, but I'm so excited now that I'll give you a tiny sneak preview.

Life Lessons

Dear Baby,

Please consider these things as you grow up.  Don't feel like you HAVE to follow them, I hate to rob you the joy of experience but trust me when I tell you I learned the hard way.

• When going into a bathroom with stalls...
• if possible, skip a stall so there's an empty one between you and the next girl.  You don't need to be that close to anyone doing...that.
• if you're a boy, it's not a good idea to look at your neighbor at the urinal.  And PLEASE no talking in there.
• if you aren't going to wash your hands and other people are in their, at least run the water.  No one likes the girl at the office that doesn't wash.  Keep up the facade.
• Never cry out loud in the bathroom.  If you need to cry you go right to your car and do it in private.  And please call me.
• don't bother using those disposable toilet seat covers, I haven't used one in my entire life with no noticeable consequences.
• When it comes to tattoos, wait until you're 20.  This will help deter you from getting something completely ridiculous that as a teenager you find hilarious.  Also, best to avoid tattoo artists with missing teeth.  Trust me on this one.
• If you are ever the victim of bullying, try sarcasm.  Generally speaking the dummies that enjoy bullying will be so confused by your quick wit they'll run in fear.  If this doesn't work, hit that douche bag.  We will have to punish you, but know now that I will be secretly proud.
• Don't try and play your dad against me to get your way.  We communicate regularly.  Try kindness or doing the dishes, that always butters me up.
• DO NOT publish, print, or otherwise share things in code that the teachers will read.  Hiding the words "mrs. so and so is a bitch" in a word search will get found.  Nicknaming a keg a girls name, then writing about her in the newspaper will get found.  Just ask your dad.
• Never feel bad about being promoted over, started over, picked over, or recognized over your friends.  If they are real friends, they'll be happy for you either way.
• If you're a girl, when you exercise for god sakes wear a pony tail holder.  It's exercise not a beauty pageant.
• If you're a boy, when you exercise for god sakes wear a shirt.  It's exercise not a runway.
• NEVER use a baby voice.  NEVER.  Even when talking to babies.
• Help people.  Across the street.  At work.  With their groceries.  With some change.  But stay away from hitchhikers, they're on their own out there.

113 days to go.

Tomorrow marks 6 months.  I cannot believe it.  It's so strange that it feels like it's taking forever and going too fast all at once.  I'm anxious to meet this little one that kicks me non-stop and with such ferocity that my shirt moves.  I love him/her and treasure each movement.  You would think that it gets tiring or irritating having something poke you from the inside out, but you'd be wrong.  It's awesome.

Speaking of awesome...

This is the most laid back fella the world has ever known.  Finley rarely barks, sniffs and licks each treat (i like to think he's just tasting it for flavor) before he puts it in his mouth, spends at least 5 hours each day under the bed, makes you work for every tail wag, hides if he hears yelling, cries when he sees dogs he can't meet, and only really shows enthusiasm when he sees the leashes come out.  I love this dog.  I love that it looks like he's wearing eye liner and has a dirty sanchez.  I love that he digs in the toy basket until he finds a scrap of a toy that Trinity destroyed and carries it around like lost treasure.  He is such a good dog.  Finley, I'm sorry Milo and Trinity are so needy they sometimes steal your attention.  I'm excited for you to meet this baby, whom I know you'll love and who will love your sweet face. 

I have had some real fun lately!  Our girls trip, which was named Ladies of the Lake 2011 (last year it was Pork-o Rico 2010) was a few weeks ago and I'm still feeling relaxed from the effects of it.  We rented a fantastic house on Lake LBJ, in the city of Kingsland.  A cute little city with a rundown HEB, a drive thru beer barn (we even saw the Sheriff driving through, yes - in his cop car), a well-known Mexican restaurant that it's in a storage facility (clearly they haven't had delicious Mexican food, as the food here was average), and their claim to fame - an old restaurant/house where the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre was filmed.  I wish I had pictures, but I suck at that.  I also can't figure out how to steal the pics that anyone else posted.  So I'll just give you this, I found this series of pics on my phone when I got back from the trip.

Love you Amy!! 

I wonder if you can link to someone else's Facebook album?  Click here to test it out.

I also went to my first Jewish wedding of a good friend.  Of course I don't have pictures of that either.  But let me tell you, they can surely party like rockstars.  Congrats Joel & Molly!

Crotch Care 101?

That's the title of the email I just received from thebump.com.  There were a number of things that startled me about this particular article....

Here's an excerpt:

"Your due date is coming on quick,  (is it?!  I feel like I have a ton of time.)  You have burp cloths. (um, no)You have safety Q-tips. (what is this?!)  You have 12 brands of diaper rash cream and three newborn-sized bathrobes with matching slippers. (no again I'm afraid)  There's no question you're prepared for baby's arrival... (actually I think it's clear that I'm not at all prepared for this baby's arrival)  but are you ready for all that other stuff that happens after delivery? (You know, to your vagina. And perineum. And rectum.)"

Oh my god.  I'm not even sure I could find my perineum, if somehow it resulted in winning a million dollars.


I'm in a world of trouble.

How not to raise drug addicts?

95% of all coke addicts, prostitutes, criminals, weirdos and otherwise non-functioning members of society always blame a parent on how they got where they are today.  A parent didn't care enough, wasn't there enough, beat them, did drugs, etc.  These are all things that I know I can control, so I'm not so worried here.  It is the other 5% that claim to have loving, normal parents that keep me up at night worrying.

How do you raise a considerate, thoughtful, honest child without sending them over to the Duggars house?  If you don't know the Duggars, you should - you can find them on TLC.

I guess the root of this question is really - How can we parent differently than our parents?

Don't get me wrong, both Chris and I are high functioning, non-drug addict members of society.  But, you can always learn from others mistakes right?  So - if you have never seen any other parenting style, how do you parent differently than your parents?

Okay okay, I'm avoiding the real problem.  I don't know how to parent a child.  I feel like we've raised some pretty fun and kind dogs (okay Milo isn't exactly kind to everyone, but he's awfully kind to us).  Somehow I'm afraid that this doesn't translate into good parenting of humans.  I guess maybe a good place to start is what I want for our children.  I'll speak singularly bc at the moment we only have one child, but know that this applies to all subsequent children.

1.  I want our child to be the kind of person that sees the world as a place that can be made better, and I want him/her to be a part of that change.
2.  I want our child to value family, but more than that I want him/her to believe that family is the one thing you can always count on.
3.  If our child decides to rebel, may it be with water downed vodka that will make it so sick it will never experiement again - all happening in the safety of close friends at age 25.  And may he/her never befriend the kid at school wearing black clothes, lipstick and eye liner, because let's be real this = trouble.
4.  I want this baby to grow up with Chris and I together, for its entire life.  May we model how to be considerate, loving and loyal to a spouse.
5.  I want our child to be happy.  The kind of happy that makes them stay off the pole.
6.  I want our child to love and be loved.  The love of a partner, the love of a place, the love of a career, the love of music and art and books, may it find love in every adventure that it takes.
7.  If I'm being honest, I want this child to be funny and to laugh easily.  I am scared that I don't know how to raise a serious, quiet child.
8.  I want this baby to have a long healthy and painfree life.
9.  I want this child to have close friends that are loyal, trusting, available, honest and consistent.
10.  I want this baby and all our babies to believe in something that is bigger than itself.

Spagetti Squash?

Hello Baby.

This week we celebrate this baby (finally) hitting 1 lb!  22 weeks and around 12 inches long, crazy.  I think spagetti squash is usually yellow, but whatev couldn't find another picture with a ruler.

This past week Chris and I tackled some serious feats. 

First, I guess I get most of the credit for this one, I donned a swimsuit and went to the pool.  At first, I battled a feeling of such serious trashiness that I wouldn't remove the cover.  But you wouldn't believe how convincing 105 degrees can be to shed clothing. 

Second, we registered.  Good lord.  We started at BuyBuyBaby, which I have to say is a fantastic place to register.  Here is the only time you'll here me say it, but I'd much prefer if you're buying us a gift that it come from here.  It's got a big selection, well organized, easy to manuever.  Babies R Us was our next stop, disaster.  I couldn't find anything, I was sweating (the store was like 85 degrees!), so we gave up pretty quickly.  Needless to say, we half assed it there.  :)  Registering for a baby isn't nearly as much fun as registering for your wedding.  Mostly because while I'll be using all these items, I have no clue what 75% of them do.  I can't picture a life where we need so much stuff!!  Anyway, it's done - thank God. 
Here are the websites in case you're feeling generous - http://www.buybuybaby.com/ and http://www.babiesrus.com/.  And in case we just met and you didn't know this, my last name is hyphenated so you have to look us up by either Jessica Orsino (easier than full hyphenation), Jessica Orsino-Jordan or Chris Jordan.  You will not find me under Jessica Jordan.  At first I was annoyed, but then I started feeling a little solidarity with these stores.  Thank you for realizing that my name isn't Jessica Jordan.  And it's not because I don't love my husband and his heritage - it's because I love my heritage more and well, let's be honest Jessica Jordan sounds like a stripper/cheerleader.

Last, we bought some fantastic outdoor furniture!  And put it together.  We have finally started to figure out how to work together on projects like this, after 12 years.  Anyway, it's awesome and really makes our backyard (new patio & all) a fantastic place to hang out.

On the baby front, I'm feeling a little behind that we haven't done anything to it's room.  Well, unless you count cramming in a ton of crap in the closet.  I feel kind of overwhelmed and I don't honestly know where to start.  Maybe this is why I haven't done anything?  Ah well, it'll happen soon enough I'm sure.

Happy Tuesday!  2 days until our girls trip to the lake!

21 weeks - three quarter pounder w/ heartburn

It amazes me that something that is only 3/4s of a lb can make my stomach so big.  The proof is in the pudding, see the boob to belly ratio below:

Oh and that is a sneak peak of my cube at work.  Yes, this is a self portrait at work.   You missed seeing the cupcake I was eating by about 5 minutes, yum.  Think vanilla from society bakery.

On a serious note...

I am SERIOUSLY ready for our girls trip!  We're going to Fredericksburg (ish) in a week and half, whew.  I can't wait until the only things I have to do are sunscreen up and eat with my best friends on this planet.  I love these girls so very much.  This trip is so important to me, and I hope all of them can overcome the challenges of daily life and make it happen each year. 

I had dinner with some good friends on Friday night!  Thanks Erika for the delicious fondue!  I loved seeing them and love that our lives have brought us to motherhood at similar times.  I'm thankful for their support.  On a more frightening note, I got bags full of goodies that have left me moderately speechless.  I know it's coming, but I can't picture a time where I'd choose to wear depends.  Although, having seen the tiny underwear (think mesh, one size fits all, boy shorts) the hospital gives you - I will undoubtedly choose the adult diaper method.  I guess, I just didn't realize there would be quite THAT much post delivery leakage.  At any rate, while I appreciate this bag (and the subsequent stories that came along with it), it will remain in the closet until the time that doesn't terrify the bejesus out of me.

It is amazing to me that a woman's self confidence can rebound from pregnancy and all that goes along with it.  It's no wonder that postpartum depression is so commonplace.  Who wouldn't be depressed?  You have just spent 9 months growing a human, where your boobs get ginormous and hurt, your body stretches to its breaking point, you get dark spots (line down stomach, boobs, etc), heartburn, weight gain - you get the picture.  Then, you squeeze that human out of a 10 cm opening that has racked your body with pain to get to that point.  Last, you bleed and ooze for weeks while trying to figure out what to do with your bundle, how not to kill it, all while sleep depraved and trying to figure out how to breastfeed the wee one from boobs that have suddenly started leaking too.  If that isn't enough to induce depression, then crap - I don't know what is.  And yet, ask any mother and the response will always be the same.  It is worth it.  Each and every time.

A miracle, every one.  I personally think women rock.  Mothers are my hero.

20 weeks and 1 day

I cannot believe this baby is half baked.  I also can't believe I tried to wear non-maternity tights today, I can barely breathe.  Ouch.  Poor baby is probably squished in there.  I am definitely all squished out here.

As always, I'll start with this - pregnancy is a gift.  :)  Babies are a miracle.

Now that that's been said:
 1. I have heartburn so bad I sort of dread eating.
2. I used to love food, now I can't get riled up about anything.  Not even hostess cupcakes, who am i?!
3. At the end of each day, I have cankles.  It is not sexy, funny or practical.  It actually kind of hurts.
4. The baby and are on not on the same schedule, it seems to want to play when I'm ready for bed.  I don't think this bodes well for the future...
5. I received a lecture today about how pregnancy is a gift from God (which is true) and how babies are a miracle (also true)....the weirdness started when the words fruitful and fertile started being thrown around - uh thanks maintenance guy?!
6. Someone told me today that she can't even tell I'm pregnant?  Is this a compliment?  I wouldn't leave the house if I looked like this and wasn't growing a human in my belly.  Mostly because my clothes wouldn't fit and I'd be too busy eating hostess cupcakes which I'd suddenly love again in my non-pregnant state.
7. I'm so thirsty!!!  But I hate water, houston we have a problem.
8. I drank a real chai latte and almost cried it tasted so good.  Oh caffeine, I miss you so.
9. I drank 4 sips of wine (I was just warming you up with the chai comment) and nearly sobbed it tasted so good.  Alcohol, I miss you more.  It's been so long I've even forgotten how to spell you...alcohol - is that right?
10. I am pretty sure I saw the beginning of a stretch mark, but have convinced myself it's just the lighting.  I'll be avoiding looking at that particular location on my body for at least 2 years.
11. Someone, other than Chris, told me I was cute today and I had to resist hugging/making out with him.  Thank you stranger for those words.  Why does it mean so much when it comes from someone you don't care about?!  And no, it wasn't the maintenance guy mentioned in #5.  Whew.
11. Chris and I have decided if it's a boy and a ginger, we'll have to send it back. 

Much love!  Jess