The Nursing Curve

It is no surprise to you that I have been MIA on this blog lately.  I want to apologize, but all of my apologetic resources are gone for the day.  They went to the poor lady that had to clean up the 2 pints of rice (and other food) that Tyler dumped on the floor at lunch today.  I promise to apologize when my apologetic abilities have reboosted...tomorrow's promising.

I have recently encountered this strange phenomenom that I'll refer to as the nursing curve.  It goes like this:

People immediately after Ty was born:  "I cannot believe anyone would deprive their baby of breastmilk" - said with judgment and received with awkwardness
People at 6 months:  "Wow, you're still nursing?!  That's amazing!" - said with amazement, received with appreciation
People at 12 months:  "You made it to one year!  You're the best mother ever."  ok no one said that, but they've said it with their eyes.  :)  Received with pride. 
People at 12 months and one day:  "Whoa.  You're STILL nursing?"  - said with judgment, received with awkwardness.

And we've come full circle.  Or we've come to the nursing bell curve.

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Cheerful Christmas invitations for your friends and family.

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Oh the places I've breastfed...

1.  next to a teenager on an airplane
2.  in a car, while he was in his car seat (the reality was much, much more awkward then you can picture)
3.  airport bathroom, while standing
4.  airport bathroom, while sitting - ew and ew-er
5.  restaurant (this isn't unusual but its become tricky since all he wants to do is pull the hooter hider over his head)

Traveling with a baby has the potential to be a complete disaster, but I've only ever had pretty good experiences.  This doesn't include the terrible treatment by Delta staff.  All in all though, we travel pretty well I think.

We just returned from a 2 week tour of New York State that included: some good family time, one of my best friend's weddings and our first trip away from Tyler.  I wish I had more pictures!  I'm terrible at that.

In other news, after long discussions and many hours of careful consideration, I'm leaving my full time job at United Way.  I've taken a part time job that will allow me to stay at home with Tyler during the day.  There are a lot of life changes all happening at once, but I'm excited.  We were relatively happy with our working situation and with daycare, but nothing beats (for us) the opportunity to be the one that teaches Tyler at home.  I'm nervous about providing him all the stimulation and experiences that he needs while juggling even a part time workload.  But I will do whatever it takes.  After all, becoming a mother makes you superhero.  I think my super power might just be juggling or eating and not gaining weight.  Okay, so it is definitely not the latter.

till next time...

Finally, a success.

First off, I have to just let you know that SURPRISE I like cottage cheese.  Except, I like to pretend that its not cottage cheese, because the phrase cottage cheese grosses me out.

I digress...

I never imagined that this blog would turn into being only about pregnancy and parenting.  But, what else is going on in my life?  Nearly all of my funny stories now involve either or both of these things.

I have embarked on the homemade baby food making adventure.  This is an adventure that nearly didn't happen, as I just assumed I was too frazzled to add another thing to the mountain of tasks that fill my day.  But, just as all moms, I'm motivated by guilt and intrigued by time management.  Yesterday, my unusually compliant baby went to bed without much fuss.  I was feeling pretty amped about the whole ordeal actually.  That plus the fabulously turquoise new food processor I bought, inspired me to give baby food making my first attempt.  Um, turns out I find baby food making strangely therapeutic.  There is something undeniably great about cutting, steaming and pureeing food.  I'll let you in on a little secret.  I love containers.  I'm a sucker for anything that promises to make my life more organized.  Baby food storage was a wealth of tiny little containers all neatly stacked inside of a bin.  So, as I lined up my little tubs of organic, made with love, neatly labeled baby food, I beamed with pride.  Finally, a success.  I successfully did something that I planned on doing.  I can mark # 37.  Make homemade baby food off of my list.  I'm afraid #38, find a way to sleep while folding laundry will have to wait.

In other news, Ty hates solid foods.  He actually gagged on avocado.  Who gags on delicious avocado?!  Anyone want some tubs of delicious, organic, made with love, neatly labeled baby food? 

:)  I love this guy.

naked play!!

Parenting: The best club I never signed up for

Now that I'm a parent, I have started noticing all kinds of new things like:
1.  How much I love reading articles/blogs about the antics of children (case and point:  http://jasongood.net/365/2011/11/day-319-self-help-advice-from-a-2-year-old/ - thank you Elizabeth! and http://thestir.cafemom.com/baby/116998/lesson_12_working_moms_vs)
2.  How I won't even HESITATE to wipe cream all over Tyler's butt or pick a giant booger from his nose
3.  The joy of eating 2/3rds of my dinners cold
4.  The spacial arrangement of restaurants, stores, everywhere.  Will I hit every table with my car seat and can I squeeze the stroller through there?
5.  Turns out I can live on nearly no sleep and go 2 days between showers
6.  We are now those people that rush home at 6:30pm no matter where we are, bc god forbid our son go to bed late.  Neither of us want to pay the price of baby sleep deprivation
7.  I no longer like sunrises.  At all.  Ever.

Tyler's baptism is this weekend (Make sure child gets into heaven - check) and Chris isn't too fond of his little outfit.  Actually, I'm not so sure Ty's too fond of it either...

I love how his body goes head then shoulders, the kid has no neck to speak of.  Or, maybe those cheeks are masking the neck beneath.

See, everyone likes puffy sleeves.

When adults cry it out

Last night we tried the cry it out method of sleep training.  Yes, who knew you have to train most babies to sleep.  Apparently, the only gauge of your success in parenting an infant is how well they sleep at night.  It isn't that your baby is so happy during the day he has to wiggle because the happiness just bubbles over (which he does), or that he is developmentally on track (which he is) or even if he eats well (which he does ONLY if it doesn't come from a bottle).

In desperation that was riddled with sleeplessness and guilt, we attempted cry it out.  To be fair, we have (half assed) tried this method before but we only lasted 10 minutes before each of us buckled and we picked him up.  So I'm calling this our first attempt.  Ya, it worked.  He did manage to get himself to sleep, after 27 minutes of hellacious crying.  And then, while he slept, there were 20 minutes of sobbing in his sleep, that's how worked up he was.  I only sobbed for 15 minutes, that's how worked up I was. 

Here's the thing:
-  I am aware that this method works for some/most babies.
-  I know many a loving parent that use this method.
-  I know our son can't really soothe himself very well.
-  I know that teaching him to self soothe is a good thing.
-  I know if I don't teach him to self soothe, then he will rely on me to soothe him.
-  I also understand that leaving him there to cry doesn't mean I don't love him.

But here is something else I know:  I don't get to comfort him during the day.  I will NOT lay down beside his bed and listen to him scream at night.  I WILL rock him to sleep EVERY time he wakes.  I will NOT consider myself a failure because I cannot lay him down, walk away and he manages to sleep through the night.  I will do what works for MY family.  I'm carrying enough guilt about daycare, I don't need the guilt of 40 minutes of cyring a night heaped on top.  :)

There you have it.  That's the plan, for now...

Tornados, root canals and dieting - oh my!

My apologies to the 3 faithful people that read this blog, life has kind of gotten away from me lately so I'm only averaging one post a month these days.

The only thing the 3 things in the title have in common is that I've experienced all three and my dislike for all three are as strong as ever.  It must be because of those 4 hours I spent huddled in the boys bathroom in 2nd grade that has made me so terrified of tornados.  I'll cry at the sound of the tornado siren.  This dispells my theory that the things I do can't possibly screw Tyler up too bad.  I'm in trouble.  As for my hatred towards root canals and dieting, I think those are self explanatory.

Have any of you watched Downton Abbey?  If not, I highly recommend it.  There is something about posh British people that make me so happy.  Thank you to Kelli for her continued solid recommendations, as long as you don't count So you think you can dance.  Sorry Kel!  :)

I'm getting ready to head to Tyler's first easter egg hunt.  Technically, he'll be sitting on a blanket with me watching other kids hunt easter eggs, but potato potatoe.  Chris and I recently missed (we really tried!) our church's picnic and easter egg hunt.  I cried when we drove up an hour late to find everyone packing up.  I have this strange desire to make sure that Tyler experiences everything possible and that he experiences it with his parents.  I really want to create traditions and experiences that he'll look back on with love.  Of course, I realize that he's 4 1/2 months old and won't remember any of it...but that doesn't stop me from trying.

Speaking of the sweetest baby alive, he just started rolling over.  He's gone front to back and back to front recently although he seems to have mastered back to front a bit faster.  It's so funny what you'll celebrate your child doing as a parent.  Eachtime he does it we laugh and cheer.  I love that little squishy fella more than anything in the world.

Here's proof that he's GOT to be the cutest thing ever!

He's working hard at his Dad's office.  So hard he lost his shirt...
Sidenote:  Just looking at this picture makes me want to squeeze his fat little body!

Let the guilt begin

At Christmas I received (mostly Tyler received) a number of thoughtful gifts from friends, family and even friends of family.  And now, every day since I have thought, I MUST write a thank you note.  But seriously, TODAY, I MUST write a thank you note.  Although, just between you and me, I do not think new parents should be obligated to write thank you notes.  Hello, I'm busy trying to figure out if the bump on my son's leg is normal (it is), googling how to get him to sleep through the night (didn't work), and wondering why I put a nursing pad in the refrigerator (still unsure).  I will get to your thank you letter, but in the meantime please take this as my humble apology.  Your gift was received and appreciated and a note is forthcoming...hopefully.

Parenthood is all about survival.  I have survived so far, but it isn't exactly how I pictured.  As a woman without children, I had all these plans and ideas.  Then, he came and I have slowly but surely punted every single one of them out the window.  He'll sleep in his own room from birth.  HA!! HAHAHA!  I won't let him watch TV until he's 2, please this is the only way I can distract him long enough to feed him. 

As a parent, you do what you need to do to survive.  If that means taking him to daycare for a few hours even though you are off work so you can finally take a shower that is rushed, brush your hair without holding a baby, and finally, FINALLY picking up the hard candy stuck to the floor under the couch - you do it.  And you do it proudly.  So, for all those moms out there that have let their babies keep a pacifier for a bit past what is recommended, or introduced solids a bit earlier than what is recommended, or let your babies snuggle up in bed with you - do it proudly.  You survived another day of the hardest, most rewarding job you'll never earned a dime doing.

Will I ever sleep again?

I'm afraid that the answer to this is no, so let's pretend this is a rhetorical question.

Poor Tyler caught his first cold (daycare super germ) so he's been having a really hard time at night.  It hurts me to hear him wheezing and coughing at night, so much that I start thinking the answer to all my problems is to invent something to give to babies to help cure the common cold.  I'll be rich then, so I can afford the bubble that I'd like to put my baby in for the rest of his life.  Don't worry, there will be a door so I can be in there too.  :)  But then I realize that he'll have no friends, no one likes bubble boy.

2:45 am = crazy thoughts

To all the moms out there that have cuddled their sick baby all night long, drug themselves out of the awkward position they've contorted their body into to provide the baby with maximum comfort, then gone to work to produce something that looks like you didn't spend the night shushing your sick child and dreaming of running a med lab (with your social work degree), you are my h e r o.  And more importantly, you are your baby's hero.  Make no mistake about it, you deserve a cape and a mask.

I could never be a window washer.

I'm watching some very brave guys scale the building across from us and it is giving me an ulcer.  Not to mention he looks about 14 years old.  Where are his parents?!

First, I'd like to apologize for the lack of postings.  Prior to returning to work, I only got on the computer a handful of times.  I could never find the time to do it.  While T was sleeping, I was running around trying to clean and when he was awake, I felt too guilty to leave him there playing alone while I typed about him on the computer.  Anyway, there's my excuse.

Today marks Tyler's 4th full day of daycare (sidenote:  it's his 7th day, but those were only a few hours) and today I didn't cry when I left him.  I think it's a combination of being super late to work, trusting his teachers, and prayer.  Each morning I recite the same words over and over. 

Please keep him safe and happy.  Please let him eat well and sleep well.  Please let him find comfort in his teachers and classroom.  Please don't let him miss me.

This last bit hurts my heart a bit, but I need him to find happiness in other people.  He needs it too.  It will crush me when the day finally comes when he runs back to his teacher instead of coming with me.  But, on that day, I will try to be grateful that he loves his school.

Going back to work is...hard.  Each time I'm able to put money into his college fund, I'm grateful.  I will be grateful when we do the things (like Disneyworld and NY visits) that are allowed because I work.  I am grateful that we found a fantastic place for him to go with teachers who really care.  I play these things over and over in my head when I'm longing for him during the day.  I have to stop myself from running to his classroom to get him.  :)  It is hard.

In related news, I am also grateful that he has his daily blow out around 9 am which mercifully falls during daycare hours.  There's always an upside.  I always laugh when I see him at lunch and he's in his hideous back up outfit.  Ha!  My sweet boy in horrible paw print pants.

While, we're talking about gratefulness I should mention that I'm additionally grateful for a flexible workplace and a caring boss.  Without these, I'd be truly miserable.

Tyler is continuing to own my heart.  His laugh is still the best sound I hear.  I never knew I could feel so complete.  I just love him so much.  Being a parent is the best.  Here are a few pictures of our sweet one:

I've lost all sense of time.

Honestly, if I didn't check everyday I would not know what day it was.  I cannot believe that my maternity leave is more than half way over.  Literally (say it like the guy on parks & rec), it feels like we just got home from the hospital with our friendly monster.  Things are going really well.  Tyler is sleeping in a semi-regular pattern (3.5-5 hour stretches at night!) and I'm learning how to get things done one handed. 

We've been focused on daycares for the past week.  Tyler was accepted into one outstanding daycare and rejected into another.  We're waiting to hear back from the final 2 we're on the list for to make a decision.  I have mixed emotions about daycare.  I'm excited for him to grow and learn, socialize and make friends.  But mostly I just feel sad.  I will miss my little boy.  Geez, I can't talk about it just yet.  I have stuff to do later on today and I can't cry for the next hour.  I will repeat to myself:  he will be fine, he isn't spending all day crying for me, he will be fine, he isn't going to forget who I am, he will be fine.  I will be worthless at work for quite awhile I'm sure.  Tough cookies.


Life is good.  I have learned a few things that I'd like to share with you:
1.  It is a bad idea to make cake balls and start a diet on the same day.  Diet fail.
2.  Do not judge the mother with the screaming baby at the store.  I promise you she is more upset than you could ever be.  Plus it's mean and I'm pretty sure it comes back around ten fold.
3.  If the pacifier falls on the ground, you can a) wipe it with expensive pacifier wipes and put it back, b) plan ahead and bring a nice clean back up pacifier or c) lick it, pick dust off, wipe on shirt and stick back in babies mouth.  Don't judge me.
4.  The snap and go stroller is the best thing money can buy, followed by a baby swing.  Get these things if you're expecting, you won't regret it. 
5.  A burp cloth, pacifier, toy and blanket now have a home in every room in our house.  In addition to these things, we also have something to put our little monster down in every room.  Genius.
6.  Learn to make hard choices.  I can EITHER brush my teeth OR put on deodorant.  I can EITHER do the dishes OR eat lunch.  I can EITHER go for a walk OR vacuum the house.  I make these choices all the time.  For example, I decided to put out snacks for some friends that were coming over rather than shower.  Don't judge me.
7.  Food is a fantastic thing to give a new family.  Just some friendly advice, I barely have time to wash my own dishes so I definitely don't have time to wash and return yours.  Disposable is the answer.
8.  If you see me walking with my son in the stroller and my dogs at the same time, please do not make some kind of dog sledding comment to me.  I will punch you in your face.  I realize I look a little crazy, but I love my dogs and my son.  Suck it.
9.  The dogs food bowls can remain empty for a few hours without disaster.  Whew.
10.  I used to think the goal was to get Tyler to sleep through the night.  Now, at hour 4 of him sleeping I have to resist the urge to pick him up.  I miss his sweetness.  But, do resist if you can.  The few times I didn't he rewarded my tenderness with screaming and spitting up in my hair.

Until next time,

JO