I could never be a window washer.

I'm watching some very brave guys scale the building across from us and it is giving me an ulcer.  Not to mention he looks about 14 years old.  Where are his parents?!

First, I'd like to apologize for the lack of postings.  Prior to returning to work, I only got on the computer a handful of times.  I could never find the time to do it.  While T was sleeping, I was running around trying to clean and when he was awake, I felt too guilty to leave him there playing alone while I typed about him on the computer.  Anyway, there's my excuse.

Today marks Tyler's 4th full day of daycare (sidenote:  it's his 7th day, but those were only a few hours) and today I didn't cry when I left him.  I think it's a combination of being super late to work, trusting his teachers, and prayer.  Each morning I recite the same words over and over. 

Please keep him safe and happy.  Please let him eat well and sleep well.  Please let him find comfort in his teachers and classroom.  Please don't let him miss me.

This last bit hurts my heart a bit, but I need him to find happiness in other people.  He needs it too.  It will crush me when the day finally comes when he runs back to his teacher instead of coming with me.  But, on that day, I will try to be grateful that he loves his school.

Going back to work is...hard.  Each time I'm able to put money into his college fund, I'm grateful.  I will be grateful when we do the things (like Disneyworld and NY visits) that are allowed because I work.  I am grateful that we found a fantastic place for him to go with teachers who really care.  I play these things over and over in my head when I'm longing for him during the day.  I have to stop myself from running to his classroom to get him.  :)  It is hard.

In related news, I am also grateful that he has his daily blow out around 9 am which mercifully falls during daycare hours.  There's always an upside.  I always laugh when I see him at lunch and he's in his hideous back up outfit.  Ha!  My sweet boy in horrible paw print pants.

While, we're talking about gratefulness I should mention that I'm additionally grateful for a flexible workplace and a caring boss.  Without these, I'd be truly miserable.

Tyler is continuing to own my heart.  His laugh is still the best sound I hear.  I never knew I could feel so complete.  I just love him so much.  Being a parent is the best.  Here are a few pictures of our sweet one:

I've lost all sense of time.

Honestly, if I didn't check everyday I would not know what day it was.  I cannot believe that my maternity leave is more than half way over.  Literally (say it like the guy on parks & rec), it feels like we just got home from the hospital with our friendly monster.  Things are going really well.  Tyler is sleeping in a semi-regular pattern (3.5-5 hour stretches at night!) and I'm learning how to get things done one handed. 

We've been focused on daycares for the past week.  Tyler was accepted into one outstanding daycare and rejected into another.  We're waiting to hear back from the final 2 we're on the list for to make a decision.  I have mixed emotions about daycare.  I'm excited for him to grow and learn, socialize and make friends.  But mostly I just feel sad.  I will miss my little boy.  Geez, I can't talk about it just yet.  I have stuff to do later on today and I can't cry for the next hour.  I will repeat to myself:  he will be fine, he isn't spending all day crying for me, he will be fine, he isn't going to forget who I am, he will be fine.  I will be worthless at work for quite awhile I'm sure.  Tough cookies.


Life is good.  I have learned a few things that I'd like to share with you:
1.  It is a bad idea to make cake balls and start a diet on the same day.  Diet fail.
2.  Do not judge the mother with the screaming baby at the store.  I promise you she is more upset than you could ever be.  Plus it's mean and I'm pretty sure it comes back around ten fold.
3.  If the pacifier falls on the ground, you can a) wipe it with expensive pacifier wipes and put it back, b) plan ahead and bring a nice clean back up pacifier or c) lick it, pick dust off, wipe on shirt and stick back in babies mouth.  Don't judge me.
4.  The snap and go stroller is the best thing money can buy, followed by a baby swing.  Get these things if you're expecting, you won't regret it. 
5.  A burp cloth, pacifier, toy and blanket now have a home in every room in our house.  In addition to these things, we also have something to put our little monster down in every room.  Genius.
6.  Learn to make hard choices.  I can EITHER brush my teeth OR put on deodorant.  I can EITHER do the dishes OR eat lunch.  I can EITHER go for a walk OR vacuum the house.  I make these choices all the time.  For example, I decided to put out snacks for some friends that were coming over rather than shower.  Don't judge me.
7.  Food is a fantastic thing to give a new family.  Just some friendly advice, I barely have time to wash my own dishes so I definitely don't have time to wash and return yours.  Disposable is the answer.
8.  If you see me walking with my son in the stroller and my dogs at the same time, please do not make some kind of dog sledding comment to me.  I will punch you in your face.  I realize I look a little crazy, but I love my dogs and my son.  Suck it.
9.  The dogs food bowls can remain empty for a few hours without disaster.  Whew.
10.  I used to think the goal was to get Tyler to sleep through the night.  Now, at hour 4 of him sleeping I have to resist the urge to pick him up.  I miss his sweetness.  But, do resist if you can.  The few times I didn't he rewarded my tenderness with screaming and spitting up in my hair.

Until next time,

JO

Adventures in motherhood

I think the lack of sleep has finally gotten to me.  I was in the doctor's office earlier this week (just to let you know how crazy I am, I thought all day that today was Monday) and saw a pregnant girl....and I felt a tiny kick of envy.  DO NOT misunderstand me, I don't want to be pregnant.  But now that I know Tyler, I realize that all the discomfort was so worth it.  I stared at the girl and thought to myself, you have no idea how your life is about to change.  I envy that moment when she will meet her little one because that was the best moment of my life.  I will replay it in my mind a million times and each time my heart will swell with the joy and pride of it.

Motherhood is an adventure to say the least.  It's an adventure viewed through spit up colored glasses and I love it.  Tyler might be screaming at the top of his lungs, while his flailing arms hit me in my sore nipple, pooing on my 4th change of clothes and still my heart overflows.  I wouldn't call myself a mushy person (neither would those who know and love me) so you can imagine my surprise when motherhood turned me into a giant mushball. 

In other news, my new goal is to figure out a way to shower and brush my teeth in the same day.  I will also NOT wear stretchy pants at least one day this week.  Maybe, if I'm feeling adventurous, I'll even take my hair out of its ponytail this week.  Gasp.  Today when given the opportunity and time to cut my toenails (ew, they are out of control long) or eat a cookie and watch tv.  The cookie won.  There's always tomorrow...what day is it?  I should probably buy some christmas gifts.

I could brag about how extremely advanced and handsome our son is, but a picture is worth a thousand words. :)  So here are a few pictures that should equal a novel.

Fun with Grandpa

His first bath was an epic fail.

She wasn't crying, I promise.  He's clearly smitten.

One month old with his bf, sock monkey.  Thanks Aunt Virg!

I swear, he is the cutest baby ALIVE.

They don't call it labor for nothing.

I didn't brush my teeth today.  I know what you're thinking, Jessica, the day isn't over.  You still have time to brush them.  But let's be honest, what's the point now? 

Whether I brush my teeth, manage a shower, change out of my pajamas, put on deodorant or any other things that I used to do on a regular basis, I can say without question - that I'm happier than I could imagine.  I spend my days feeding, changing, soothing, dancing with and admiring my sweet son.  No, it isn't easy but it is so worth it.  No, I haven't slept more than 3 hours at a time in over 3 weeks but my heart is full.  I love Tyler and I love being his mom.

Here is the story of how we met:
Chris and I checked into the hospital on Wednesday, 11/16 around 5:30pm.  I was given cytotek (sp?) to try and induce labor.  (Did I mention I was 9 days past due?)  They give it every 4 hours over night with hopes that it would ripen my cervix.  Sorry, let me make a blanket apology in advance for TMI.  Anyway, we moved down to labor and delivery at 6:30 am on Thursday, 11/17.  I had barely made any progress overnight so they started the pitocin.  At some point in the morning, I made it to 1 cm dilated.  Success!  Labor came fast and furious with the pitocin and by 11am or so I was begging for an epidural.  Unfortunately, I was still only 1 cm dilated, he hadn't engaged in my pelvis and my cervix still hadn't thinned all the way.  So, I wasn't a good candidate (so says my sadist dr, jk - I still like her) for an epidural.  I labored on with some IV drugs that helped take the edge off, but trust me when I say it just took the pain down from making me want to jump off the roof to making me want to cry.  I appreciated the relief, no matter how small.  Also, around this time, the nurse accidently broke my water during an exam.  That's when we learned that Tyler (because he's so advanced!) had gone ahead and pooped in utero.  This is dangerous to babies (but common in post term babies) because they will breathe in the poop and it'll get into their lungs.  That's when I was told that I was a ticking time bomb of sorts.  My doctor wouldn't let me labor very long with him breathing in the muck.  In addition, there were some heart rate concerns after the contractions.

Fast forward through throwing up during contractions, sobbing to Chris that I really cannot do this, and literally BEGGING for an epidural, to 2pm.  I have been given the epidural and am starting to feel human again.  The doctor has come to check me and it's the moment of truth, if I've progressed then I can continue with labor.  If I haven't, then it was time to throw in the towel. 

No progress, more poop in amniotic fluid, I'm finished laboring.  We're going in after this elusive friendly monster (we call him this bc of all the friendly monster noises he makes throughout the day).

2:51pm - he's here!  He's perfect, healthy, peeing on the nurse and screaming like a banshee.

2:51 pm on Thursday, 11/17/11 is the day my life changed forever.  I will never be the same person that I was before.  It's the day a huge piece of my heart left my body and entered my son's.  I will spend the rest of my life protecting this sweet boy.

Yes, there is a small part of me that wishes things hadn't ended up in a surgery room where I couldn't see my son born.  But it's so small in comparison to the excitement and joy of having him here.  No regrets, I did the best I could.

And now, some pictures of the friendly monster. :)

How to have a perfect baby

Okay, that title is misleading because I have no idea how we managed to have a perfect baby.  :)  I do know without a doubt that he is, in fact, total perfection.  It is truly a miracle.  The amount of love I have for this tiny little bundle could wrap the moon and back at least a million times.

Tyler Orsino Jordan
11/17/11
2:51pm
7lbs 15 oz
20 1/4 in

I promise to write more later, but now I must have some pumpkin pie.  :)

The baby's coming! Someday.

Well friends, despite our best efforts, I am still pregnant. I love the lesson this little sugarplum is teaching us about patience and priorities. Thanks for the lesson son, but you're still undoubtedly grounded.

The pain of being this pregnant is substantial. The contractions are so uncomfortable but inconsistent so I know there isn't much progress. Which is fine because he's being forced out. We're checking into the hospital tomorrow afternoon with the anticipation that he'll be born on Thursday sometime. I'm all about taking the natural path but discomfort now outweighs everything but his health. Which is perfect said the doctor yesterday.

In the meantime, I'm still enjoying the time off at home. Today I cooked up 2 kinds of soup and a lasagna for when we get home. I've washed every surface, cleaned every dish and read to my little life changer each day. Chris and I have watched movies, gone to nice restaurants, and stayed out late to our hearts content. I'm ready. My body is ready. Our house is ready. Family and friends are ready. Let's do this.

7 more days...sigh.

I promise I am not holding out on you.  There is no need to text/call/email or otherwise ask me if I've had this baby, in fact it just kind of irritates me if we're being honest.  I will tell you, I promise.  You won't be the first to know, but you'll know.  :)

Being past due feels a little like not being invited to your own birthday party.  Every day it leaves me feeling like "hey, what about me?!"  I've started getting sympathetic looks from friends and strangers.  It's like everyone knows.  I guess they might know because I'm SO gigantic.  In reality, the doctor says the baby doesn't feel huge, but in that same reality I FEEL HUGE.  I have to be strategic about how to put on pants each morning.  I'm down to 5 shirts and 3 pairs of pants.  I can't button any of my jackets, which is okay since I'm so hot all the time the cold usually feels like a gift from above.

I have delusional dreams of going into labor naturally.  But it's easier for me to cope if I just believe he isn't coming until his induction day on the 17th.  I guess technically the induction starts on the 16th, but he won't likely come until the 17th.  Either way, this is only one week away.  So now I know without question that within a week, I will finally meet our son.  I couldn't be more excited and ready.

In the meantime, I am LOVING not being at work.  I thought I'd regret burning a week and half of leave before he came, but that isn't the case.  I don't regret it at ALL.  I've been visiting friends, cleaning every surface of our house, taking walks and otherwise totally enjoying myself before my whole world revolves around parenting.  As a result, I feel relaxed (as much as can be expected when you can only sit leaning to one side), happy, rested and thankful.

Love to you all!