Motivation

Today, my work tried to motivate me by sticking a sign in the bathroom stall.  Instead, the sign had the opposite effect.  I fought the urge to rip it off and throw it down.  Seriously, are no things sacred?  I don't need to be reminded to thank a team mate while taking a pee.  It seems to me that there should be a general rule about motivational signs when your pants are down around your ankles.  I'm just sayin...

But speaking of motivation, I could use some.  The combination of this baby sucking the life out of me and the 3 weeks (and counting) of 100 degree weather has zapped me of all motivation to do...well anything.  All I can think of is going home to my comfortable 73 degrees and changing into my pajamas.  I know that I NEED to stop fighting the urge to nest and just do it already, maybe then I'll stop being chased by cleaning supplies in my dreasm.  I know that I SHOULD really attempt to set up my sewing machine so I can work on the projects I have, after all time is ticking.  I HAVE to take the dogs for a walk, but I'm honestly afraid that one or all of us will drop dead from heat stroke.  I can't muster the motivation to do anything.  I haven't even finished the Tina Fey book I started a few weeks ago which is hilarious.  All of these things have left me feeling a little underwhelmed and unprepared for this baby. 

That is until I read that sign in the bathroom stall...

Oh fine, here's a belly shot to get you through the week (or an example of why horizontal stripes are a mistake, um all the time):

The baby is the size of an eggplant and my uterus apparently the size of a soccer ball.  My double chin on the other hand, is the size of...well my first chin times 2.

It's starting to feel real...

I'm not sure why my expanding stomach, seeing & feeling the baby kick, seeing pictures of it on a sonogram and getting an invite to our own shower didn't make it seem real...

But now that we've cleaned out the bedroom, painted every surface and moved the furniture in - it is starting to feel real.  There will be a baby (OUR baby) living in this room in just a few months, or approximately 106 days.  CRAZY!

I'd rather show you pictures when it's done, but I'm so excited now that I'll give you a tiny sneak preview.

Life Lessons

Dear Baby,

Please consider these things as you grow up.  Don't feel like you HAVE to follow them, I hate to rob you the joy of experience but trust me when I tell you I learned the hard way.

• When going into a bathroom with stalls...
• if possible, skip a stall so there's an empty one between you and the next girl.  You don't need to be that close to anyone doing...that.
• if you're a boy, it's not a good idea to look at your neighbor at the urinal.  And PLEASE no talking in there.
• if you aren't going to wash your hands and other people are in their, at least run the water.  No one likes the girl at the office that doesn't wash.  Keep up the facade.
• Never cry out loud in the bathroom.  If you need to cry you go right to your car and do it in private.  And please call me.
• don't bother using those disposable toilet seat covers, I haven't used one in my entire life with no noticeable consequences.
• When it comes to tattoos, wait until you're 20.  This will help deter you from getting something completely ridiculous that as a teenager you find hilarious.  Also, best to avoid tattoo artists with missing teeth.  Trust me on this one.
• If you are ever the victim of bullying, try sarcasm.  Generally speaking the dummies that enjoy bullying will be so confused by your quick wit they'll run in fear.  If this doesn't work, hit that douche bag.  We will have to punish you, but know now that I will be secretly proud.
• Don't try and play your dad against me to get your way.  We communicate regularly.  Try kindness or doing the dishes, that always butters me up.
• DO NOT publish, print, or otherwise share things in code that the teachers will read.  Hiding the words "mrs. so and so is a bitch" in a word search will get found.  Nicknaming a keg a girls name, then writing about her in the newspaper will get found.  Just ask your dad.
• Never feel bad about being promoted over, started over, picked over, or recognized over your friends.  If they are real friends, they'll be happy for you either way.
• If you're a girl, when you exercise for god sakes wear a pony tail holder.  It's exercise not a beauty pageant.
• If you're a boy, when you exercise for god sakes wear a shirt.  It's exercise not a runway.
• NEVER use a baby voice.  NEVER.  Even when talking to babies.
• Help people.  Across the street.  At work.  With their groceries.  With some change.  But stay away from hitchhikers, they're on their own out there.

113 days to go.

Tomorrow marks 6 months.  I cannot believe it.  It's so strange that it feels like it's taking forever and going too fast all at once.  I'm anxious to meet this little one that kicks me non-stop and with such ferocity that my shirt moves.  I love him/her and treasure each movement.  You would think that it gets tiring or irritating having something poke you from the inside out, but you'd be wrong.  It's awesome.

Speaking of awesome...

This is the most laid back fella the world has ever known.  Finley rarely barks, sniffs and licks each treat (i like to think he's just tasting it for flavor) before he puts it in his mouth, spends at least 5 hours each day under the bed, makes you work for every tail wag, hides if he hears yelling, cries when he sees dogs he can't meet, and only really shows enthusiasm when he sees the leashes come out.  I love this dog.  I love that it looks like he's wearing eye liner and has a dirty sanchez.  I love that he digs in the toy basket until he finds a scrap of a toy that Trinity destroyed and carries it around like lost treasure.  He is such a good dog.  Finley, I'm sorry Milo and Trinity are so needy they sometimes steal your attention.  I'm excited for you to meet this baby, whom I know you'll love and who will love your sweet face. 

I have had some real fun lately!  Our girls trip, which was named Ladies of the Lake 2011 (last year it was Pork-o Rico 2010) was a few weeks ago and I'm still feeling relaxed from the effects of it.  We rented a fantastic house on Lake LBJ, in the city of Kingsland.  A cute little city with a rundown HEB, a drive thru beer barn (we even saw the Sheriff driving through, yes - in his cop car), a well-known Mexican restaurant that it's in a storage facility (clearly they haven't had delicious Mexican food, as the food here was average), and their claim to fame - an old restaurant/house where the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre was filmed.  I wish I had pictures, but I suck at that.  I also can't figure out how to steal the pics that anyone else posted.  So I'll just give you this, I found this series of pics on my phone when I got back from the trip.

Love you Amy!! 

I wonder if you can link to someone else's Facebook album?  Click here to test it out.

I also went to my first Jewish wedding of a good friend.  Of course I don't have pictures of that either.  But let me tell you, they can surely party like rockstars.  Congrats Joel & Molly!

Crotch Care 101?

That's the title of the email I just received from thebump.com.  There were a number of things that startled me about this particular article....

Here's an excerpt:

"Your due date is coming on quick,  (is it?!  I feel like I have a ton of time.)  You have burp cloths. (um, no)You have safety Q-tips. (what is this?!)  You have 12 brands of diaper rash cream and three newborn-sized bathrobes with matching slippers. (no again I'm afraid)  There's no question you're prepared for baby's arrival... (actually I think it's clear that I'm not at all prepared for this baby's arrival)  but are you ready for all that other stuff that happens after delivery? (You know, to your vagina. And perineum. And rectum.)"

Oh my god.  I'm not even sure I could find my perineum, if somehow it resulted in winning a million dollars.


I'm in a world of trouble.

How not to raise drug addicts?

95% of all coke addicts, prostitutes, criminals, weirdos and otherwise non-functioning members of society always blame a parent on how they got where they are today.  A parent didn't care enough, wasn't there enough, beat them, did drugs, etc.  These are all things that I know I can control, so I'm not so worried here.  It is the other 5% that claim to have loving, normal parents that keep me up at night worrying.

How do you raise a considerate, thoughtful, honest child without sending them over to the Duggars house?  If you don't know the Duggars, you should - you can find them on TLC.

I guess the root of this question is really - How can we parent differently than our parents?

Don't get me wrong, both Chris and I are high functioning, non-drug addict members of society.  But, you can always learn from others mistakes right?  So - if you have never seen any other parenting style, how do you parent differently than your parents?

Okay okay, I'm avoiding the real problem.  I don't know how to parent a child.  I feel like we've raised some pretty fun and kind dogs (okay Milo isn't exactly kind to everyone, but he's awfully kind to us).  Somehow I'm afraid that this doesn't translate into good parenting of humans.  I guess maybe a good place to start is what I want for our children.  I'll speak singularly bc at the moment we only have one child, but know that this applies to all subsequent children.

1.  I want our child to be the kind of person that sees the world as a place that can be made better, and I want him/her to be a part of that change.
2.  I want our child to value family, but more than that I want him/her to believe that family is the one thing you can always count on.
3.  If our child decides to rebel, may it be with water downed vodka that will make it so sick it will never experiement again - all happening in the safety of close friends at age 25.  And may he/her never befriend the kid at school wearing black clothes, lipstick and eye liner, because let's be real this = trouble.
4.  I want this baby to grow up with Chris and I together, for its entire life.  May we model how to be considerate, loving and loyal to a spouse.
5.  I want our child to be happy.  The kind of happy that makes them stay off the pole.
6.  I want our child to love and be loved.  The love of a partner, the love of a place, the love of a career, the love of music and art and books, may it find love in every adventure that it takes.
7.  If I'm being honest, I want this child to be funny and to laugh easily.  I am scared that I don't know how to raise a serious, quiet child.
8.  I want this baby to have a long healthy and painfree life.
9.  I want this child to have close friends that are loyal, trusting, available, honest and consistent.
10.  I want this baby and all our babies to believe in something that is bigger than itself.

Spagetti Squash?

Hello Baby.

This week we celebrate this baby (finally) hitting 1 lb!  22 weeks and around 12 inches long, crazy.  I think spagetti squash is usually yellow, but whatev couldn't find another picture with a ruler.

This past week Chris and I tackled some serious feats. 

First, I guess I get most of the credit for this one, I donned a swimsuit and went to the pool.  At first, I battled a feeling of such serious trashiness that I wouldn't remove the cover.  But you wouldn't believe how convincing 105 degrees can be to shed clothing. 

Second, we registered.  Good lord.  We started at BuyBuyBaby, which I have to say is a fantastic place to register.  Here is the only time you'll here me say it, but I'd much prefer if you're buying us a gift that it come from here.  It's got a big selection, well organized, easy to manuever.  Babies R Us was our next stop, disaster.  I couldn't find anything, I was sweating (the store was like 85 degrees!), so we gave up pretty quickly.  Needless to say, we half assed it there.  :)  Registering for a baby isn't nearly as much fun as registering for your wedding.  Mostly because while I'll be using all these items, I have no clue what 75% of them do.  I can't picture a life where we need so much stuff!!  Anyway, it's done - thank God. 
Here are the websites in case you're feeling generous - http://www.buybuybaby.com/ and http://www.babiesrus.com/.  And in case we just met and you didn't know this, my last name is hyphenated so you have to look us up by either Jessica Orsino (easier than full hyphenation), Jessica Orsino-Jordan or Chris Jordan.  You will not find me under Jessica Jordan.  At first I was annoyed, but then I started feeling a little solidarity with these stores.  Thank you for realizing that my name isn't Jessica Jordan.  And it's not because I don't love my husband and his heritage - it's because I love my heritage more and well, let's be honest Jessica Jordan sounds like a stripper/cheerleader.

Last, we bought some fantastic outdoor furniture!  And put it together.  We have finally started to figure out how to work together on projects like this, after 12 years.  Anyway, it's awesome and really makes our backyard (new patio & all) a fantastic place to hang out.

On the baby front, I'm feeling a little behind that we haven't done anything to it's room.  Well, unless you count cramming in a ton of crap in the closet.  I feel kind of overwhelmed and I don't honestly know where to start.  Maybe this is why I haven't done anything?  Ah well, it'll happen soon enough I'm sure.

Happy Tuesday!  2 days until our girls trip to the lake!